he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
