dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dicks are not precious.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
