What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Still dying that you shit outside
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
