The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
