just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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