like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
