talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
