She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
