It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
