I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
