i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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