Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
