I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
