You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
