I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
