Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
