Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
