Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
