I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
