she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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