dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
