As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
