we made out on top of his cat.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
