Ambien. No doubt about it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
