Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
