Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
