Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
