Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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