I heard we made out
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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