Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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