We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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