I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
