she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
