i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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