I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
