if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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