The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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