alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
