Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
