My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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