Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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