My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
