hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
