She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
birth control should be required to get into college
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Randomize
