A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
