New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
