You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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