If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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