Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
