I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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