I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
